Personal Updates

In my own little house, I feel safe and at ease. It is cosy and comfortable and that makes it possible to relax, to recharge and to do the things that make me happy. But even though the feeling of ‘home’ is very important to me, I have lived in quite a few different houses over the past few years. It is not in line with my need for stability, but it is what it is. About two years ago, I found the homely feeling I was longing for, in my own little house from the 1930s. In which I also hoped to find stability.

Last year, I did not celebrate my birthday. Or rather, I was not able to celebrate it. Shortly after corona turned from a simple flu virus into a serious pandemic, celebrating your birthday with family and friends was anything but a wise thing to do. This year is no different. Another lost birthday. This time not made impossible by a move or another major life event, but again by the coronavirus.

When my father drives me home in the evening, just before the curfew starts, we pass an information board on the highway. “Stay in the Netherlands. Together against Corona.” It sounds so obvious. When I let the words sink in, I realise that I wish it were that easy: to stay in the Netherlands. In my own little house, in the city that I can call home, close to my family and friends. And yet, although that is all very important to me, I am now writing this from my studio in Ibiza.

It is early when I am walking to the train station. It is still a little dark outside and behind the windows I see how breakfast is quickly being eaten and the laptop on the kitchen table is being switched on again. We live in a strange world… My train leaves in nine minutes. I accelerate a little bit to make sure I don’t miss my train. My first destination of the day is Amsterdam Schiphol Airport. Remember? The place you usually visit when you go on a holiday. For me, no holiday. I will hop on a plane to be together with my love again. Also in times of the coronavirus.

The year 2020 was one of the darkest years, but also a year in which I learned a lot about myself. ‘Everything that could go wrong, went wrong’. That is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of 2020. I lost my job at KLM before I even started, I had to go through a lot in terms of love, I had to say goodbye to my little hamster girl Roo, who got a nice spot in the garden, and most of all I have lived in a lot of fear, uncertainty and loneliness. All thanks to the arrival of the coronavirus.

Today it is exactly four months since I quit smoking. And I can hear you thinking. Huh? Smoking? You? Mm-hm. “I would have never expected that from you.” It is the most common response I get when I am seen with a cigarette. Four months ago, after many years, I decided that it was enough. I had never been so convinced. Partly because this time I really felt the motivation to quit, but also because during this attempt I got help in the form of a little pill: Champix.